Right. So I did a bit of talking on the phone (with D) and googling. And then I heard some music. In that order.

While the chat was calming and reassuring, the googling had exactly the opposite effect. I found out that what I am experiencing right now, is what is nonchalantly termed as the human condition. Here’s what it means in brief :

The human condition encompasses the unique and believed to be inescapable features of being human. It can be described as the irreducible part of humanity that is inherent and not dependent on factors such as gender, race or class. It includes concerns such as the meaning of life, the search for gratification, the sense of curiosity, the inevitability of isolation, or anxiety regarding the inescapability of death.

There. That makes me feel so much better. But more worse than better.

The good thing is that I am not doing anything wrong. Because, well, the human condition is independent of who you are (except for the fact that you are a human) and what you do or don’t do. It is independent of what you have or don’t have, what you have achieved or not, which God you worship, etc. etc.

It probably has something to do with what you dream of or desire to be/ have. THAT problem, was completely addressed by Maslow – who clarified that no matter what/who/where you are, you will always be at some place in the damn hierarchy with self-actualization being pretty much the ceiling you will hit but find it next to impossible to cross.

I guess I am supposed to feel better now – or relatively more at ease knowing that what I am dealing with here is more like the eternal question, the answer to which is the number 42.

Realising the futility of it all, my brain decided to stop working and tune more towards Blackfield which was flowing through the ears in a more ‘perfect song’ like situation. If you haven’t heard it – you must check it out. And that’s all I’ll say about all that.